Momma Quotes

kid stuck under tvWell, I gave you 2-year-old quotes. And then I gave you 3-year-old quotes. What I forgot was 34-year-old momma quotes. You’re welcome.

Moms say things in combinations that have never been tried before in the history of the world. Ever chastised your kid and then wondered, “Has anyone ever said that sentence before? That was a weird thing that just came out of my mouth.” You just witnessed a completely original moment in history. Here are some things that I (may) have remarkably invented, and  that made me laugh. Later.

“Don’t sniff your brother’s bottom when he’s naked.”

“We don’t put potties in the kitchen.”

“Your hair is not a napkin.”

“No, sorry, we can’t get another Jesus even though he died.”

“Doesn’t underwear feel cozy on your penis?”

“If you don’t finish your french fries, you can’t have any more blueberries.” (Don’t ask, cuz I don’t remember.)

“Um, that is just where my peepee comes out.”

“Um, that is just where my milk comes out.”

“Yes, you can play there if you promise not to step in dog poop.”

“We don’t poke the dog in her bottom.”

“No, you will not get baptized with a floatie.”

“Why do you have to put avocado in your ear every day?”

“I’m allowed to laugh.”

“I’m allowed to sing.”

“I’m allowed to run.”

“I’m allowed to talk.”

“It’s good to poop, but we can’t touch poop.”

“Yes, you can have some dog food.”

“Kick your leg like Aerosmith.”

“Honey, one of the babies snotted in my eye today and I finally got the booger out just now! My eye still burns though.”

“All right, who threw up in the toy box?!”

And, lastly, the best one ever:

“We don’t put turtles in our brother’s bottom.”

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7 thoughts on “Momma Quotes

  1. “Um, that is just where my peepee comes out.” – my personal favorite in your list. I had an interesting experience when my girls were age two in the height of potty training in a CROWDED mall restroom. To my dismay they caught a glimpse of ‘mommy’s medicine’ and one of them screamed, “DID YOU POOP IN YOUR PANTS?????” I could have died.

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  2. That list made me laugh so hard I woke up my sleeping bear of a husband who is now looking at me sideways as I snigger into the blue light of my iPhone … I too have said such awful things and thought…nooo, that wasn’t me that just said that, was it ?? Tonight it was “if you drink your pee again, bath time is over”

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  3. Pingback: Four-Year-Old Kid Quotes | Okayest Mom

  4. Pingback: Two-Year-Old Quotes, Twin Edition | Okayest Mom

  5. Pingback: Five Year Old Quotes | Okayest Mom

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