1) Check the thermometer. 39 degrees. Let’s wait a little bit.
2) Check the thermometer. 40 degrees. Ok. Let’s do this!
3) Announce: “Let’s go outside!”
4) Children scream and scatter in every direction with joy.
5) Oldest starts yelling, “I’m still in my jammies!”
6) Twin B toddles over to the shoe bin and pulls it down on head while repeating, “Shoes. Shoes. Shoes.”
7) Twin A starts crying because he is confused.
8) Dog jumps up and down by the door because she heard the word “outside”.
9) I run around like a crazy person trying to gather 3 coats, 6 shoes, and, hmmm, 6 socks.
10) I ask my oldest to go upstairs and gather 6 socks.
11) He cries because the stair gate is locked and he can’t get upstairs to get said socks.
12) I find 3 half-dirty socks on the floor, so then I unlock the gate and ask him to get only 3 socks from upstairs.
13) Babies try to rush the gate and manage to get up a couple of stairs.
14) I pull Twin A back down.
15) Twin B gets farther up the steps.
16) I pull Twin B back down.
17) Twin A gets back on the steps.
18) I heave both of them down the steps. (Combined, they weigh more than 50% of my own body weight.)
19) I re-lock the gate.
20) I find a 4th dirty sock on the floor.
21) I yell upstairs to my oldest that he only needs to get 2 more socks instead of 3. He can’t count very well so it doesn’t matter.
22) I sit down to put Twin A’s socks on.
23) My oldest cries because the baby gate is locked and he can’t get off the steps now that he has found 2 or 3 socks for me.
24) I heave Twin A off my lap.
25) I unlock the baby gate.
26) I tell my oldest to sit down and put his socks on.
27) Breach! Breach! Twin B has made it up a couple of steps.
28) Repeat steps 13-18.
29) Twin A removes the socks that I had just put on.
30) Oldest puts on socks. I tell him to take off his jammies.
31) I put Twin A in my lap again and put his socks on.
32) Twin B runs off with Twin A’s shoes.
33) I get up to chase Twin B and retrieve shoes.
34) Twin A cries because he thinks he can’t have any shoes.
35) Twin A takes socks off again while crying.
36) Repeat #31.
37) I put Twin A’s shoes and coat on.
38) Oldest cries because he can’t get his jammie shirt off.
39) I get up and help Oldest with his jammie shirt. I put his real shirt on.
40) Twin A cries because he doesn’t know why he isn’t on my lap or outside.
41) Twin B has run off with his own shoes and hidden them.
42) I chase Twin B.
43) I retrieve socks, shoes, and coat for Twin B.
44) I sit Twin B in my lap and get all items on him.
45) I get up to put Oldest’s coat and shoes on.
46) Twin B has taken off his shoes.
47) I sit down and put Twin B’s shoes on.
48) Repeat #40.
49) I open the door to the deck.
50) The dog rushes the kids and knocks babies down.
51) Twin A cries but Twin B doesn’t (as always).
52) I pick up Twin A.
53) We all actually walk outside.
54) I am barefoot and coatless. It’s 40 degrees and I forgot my own coat, shoes, and socks.
55) I try and fail to convince everyone to come back inside.
56) I carry Twin A inside.
57) Twin B runs away to the other end of the deck.
58) Twin A cries as I leave him inside.
59) I capture Twin B.
60) Twin A escapes back outside.
61) I retrieve Twin A.
62) Twin B escapes back outside.
63) I heave both twins inside. Together, they make up over 50% of my body weight.
64) I open the stair gate to get my socks from upstairs.
65) Repeat steps 13-18. Just kidding. I slip through the gate successfully, but they both stand at the bottom of the stairs and sob.
66) I come back, put on my own socks, shoes, and coat – while two babies cry.
67) We all actually walk outside.
68) Somebody pooped.
People ask why I don’t “just” do an exercise DVD after the kids go to bed.
I can’t wait for summer: no socks, no coats, fewer maneuvers.
This was an easy day. Staying inside on a rainy day is worse.
Stay tuned for how many maneuvers it takes to BE outside.
17 thoughts on “It Takes 67 Maneuvers to Get Outside with Three Babies”
Down with socks! Up with summer!
Yes! All mothers of the world are united in this cause!
I can’t tell you how hard I laughed at this! Gosh it brought back so many memories for me!!! Thank you!!!
That’s what I was hoping to accomplish! Ha!
You did all that and managed to write a post about! Hats off to you!
Ha! Thanks. I wrote after we finally got outside and I had them locked on the deck! Woot woot!
This is hilarious!! I love it! I only had one son 36 yrs ago but Mom had 8 of us and I can’t imagine. I think I have to reblog this. Everyone should get to experience this.
Ha, are you sure about that?! I hate to inflict my difficult times on others, hee hee.
Reblogged this on getoutamyhead and commented:
You have to read this! Hilarious but true story of a Mom.
Thank you so much for the reblog!
A lot to put on just to get outside, and then a lot to take off coming back in! I’m worn out just thinking about it!
Me too!! I don’t even want to reread this post of mine!
Everyday this winter getting my one year old twins and my three year old together so that we can go walk our two dogs has been madness. Some days we spend a half hour getting ready for a 15 minute walk. I blame winter and not the fact that I have three littles and two dogs ;-p
Exactly! I salute you for walking dogs. My dog never gets walked lately, but she’s 100ish pounds…
Thanks! It’s definitely a challenge. Pushing the double stroller in the snow and slush is like pushing in quick sand. I do have amazing arms though lol
Haha, this is so funny and so true!
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