Texting is not for teens. It’s for moms. Making an actual phone call is a Herculean effort. It’s not our fault, okay?
- Someone is always screaming, whether joyfully or angrily.
- It is perfectly acceptable to put the phone down while texting in order to change a poop. Not so for a phone call. (“Hold on, Doctor. I know your time is valuable and all, but can you just hang on a sec while I change this diaper?”)
- During nap time, if I answer the phone, someone WILL wake up. (This peculiarity of my children does not extend to nighttime sleeping, however.)
- After the kids go to bed, my arms are too tired to lift that phone and call anyone. Really.
- My brain is no longer capable of rational conversation. Short non-committal bursts of texting, however, are well within my brain power. (Sometimes I can even be witty.)
- My cell phone kind of acts like a walkie-talkie, in that it cuts out whenever anyone is making any noise whatsoever. Since three toddlers are 100% never ever silent, this means I can’t hear you and you can’t hear me. Well, we can hear each other, if you are interested in hearing every-other syllable. Cool.
- Kids are diabolical geniuses who will use the distraction of a phone call to execute their naughtiest plan. I think they plot things in their head and lie in wait until I dial a number. Phone calls are when they try to figure out if fleece jammies can soak up all the water in a toilet (they can), or when the oldest tries to see if he can “baptize the babies” (he can’t).
- Everything I would say (GET DOWN!) during a phone call (DON’T STRADDLE THE DOG!) is punctuated (DON’T EAT SHOES THAT JUST WALKED THROUGH THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE!) by parenting.
The only time I feel like making calls is at about 5:30 in the morning. Anyone up for a chat?
***
This post was originally written for Beyond Infertility, a website about parenting after infertility. I am a regular contributor to their site. You can find the original article here.
Okayest Mom 
This post is spot on! I just had this conversation since I have a friend who calls me on her way home from work which coincides with “crazy” time in my house…drives me bonkers! 🙂
Peacelovesimplybeauty@wordpress.com
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you can relate! Thanks for reading. Feel free to forward this post to your friend in a passive-aggressive “hinting” way. Heehee.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My son needs to see a specialist so I had to use the dreaded phone. I posted a rough version of my conversation on FB because it was so ridiculous! “My address is.. ‘Get down!’ Phone number ‘stop touching each other!’ Etc” I hate trying to make a phone call!
LikeLiked by 1 person
At least I’m not alone! Funny you should mention that, because I had a one-hour scheduled phone consult with one of my son’s specialists just yesterday. It was very challenging, to say the least!
LikeLike
I cannot even imagine! This was a 5 minute, just need to set up the appointment and it was torture!
LikeLike
Exactly why I can’t talk on the phone. I’ll add that sometimes im too exhausted to talk, and my husband seems to need help finding something every time I get on the phone. When I do talk on the phone it has to be with headphones so I can multitask. 😉 great post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for reading! Ha, that cracks me up that husbands can be on the list too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Okayest Mom’s Mom says: You can call me at 5:30 am if you want!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love you, Mom!!!
LikeLike
Yahhhhhhsssss! So true! My 2yo always wants to talk to whoever is on the other end of the phone…even those stupid auto-voices! He loves those! Great post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
LikeLike
Pingback: My Top Ten Posts of 2016, My Least Prolific Year | Okayest Mom