Toddlers are utterly baffling. Multiply the madness by two and I’m mayor of Crazy Town.
In the middle of the night
Twin B: Mommy! Mommy! MOMMY!
Me: What? What do you want?
Twin B: I want to be quiet.
While zipping up his jacket
Any twin: “I want to zip it!!! HELP ME!
Me: Do you want another drink of water?
Twin B: No, I want WATER!
While buckling a carseat
Twin A: You buckle it. LET ME BUCKLE IT!
While pulling up pants
Twin A: YOU do it. I DO IT!!!!!
Me: Do you want to walk to the mailbox with me?
Twin A: NO. [hysterical crying] WAIT FOR ME!!!!!
Me: Can I help you?
Any twin: NO YOU DO IT!
While washing hands
Twin A: YOU GAVE ME TOO MUCH SOAP!
Me: If you put your hands under the water, then the soap will go away.
Twin A: I DON’T WANT TO. YOU GAVE ME TOO MUCH SOAP!!!!
Me: You’re a complicated little fella.
Twin B: I not a ca ca ca. I am a RABBIT.
Me: Do you want some cheese?
Twin B: No thanks. I want some cheese.