Why would I brave Chick-Fil-A with two crazy three-year-old boys? Because they have that play area – the one that is enclosed in GLASS. I can sit in silence while they play. We can be two inches apart, yet separated by a wall of glass. If I hadn’t found a way to silence them that morning, I would have put their foam swords through my ears. (By the way, the wall of glass should be in all minivans –  like in a limousine.)

We never go out to eat. This was a rare treat. The weather had been terrible and we all needed to get some space get some exercise. So, upon arriving at the Chick-Fil-A parking lot, I turned around and (in my most grave voice), gave them a pep talk in the van. Stay close to Momma. Sit on your bottom. Eat food. Leave without crying.

We walked in the door. They walked wide-eyed with me to the cash register. Suddenly I heard a loud car alarm. Sheesh, why won’t someone turn that off? In the time it took me to order two kids’ meals, my kids*:

• Set off the panic button on my van
• Waved at a black man and yelled in his face, “HI, DADDY!” (Our dad is white.)
• Saw a soldier wearing fatigues and yelled in his face, “HI, SOLDIER! You in your jammies?!?”
• Body-slammed a wheelchair of a very old Grandma. A wheelchair!

The tiny great-grandmother

***

By “my kids,” I of course mean, “Twin B”.