About

Okayest Mom’s writing has been featured on ScaryMommy, RESOLVE, BabyCenter, Multiples Illuminated, and Beyond Infertility. Melissa is in a unique position to empathize with those who have experienced infertility, miscarriage, multiples, traumatic birth, adoption, and transracial families.

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I am a stay-at-home mom of three little ones. I have a lot to say and not a lot of adults to listen. I am here to shout from the rooftop about what it’s really like to survive infertility, adoption, racism, IVF, twins, almost dying, and living each day with 3 boys in diapers. Our transracial family is now complete, but that is not the end of my story.

I don’t care if you read this or not. I am writing because I have a bad memory.  This is for my kids.

My name is Melissa and I live in Virginia. I am a “retired” kindergarten teacher. I am madly in love with my high school sweetheart (ok, ok, my college sweetheart). We have been married since 2002. Our oldest son (“R”) joined our family due to the marvel of adoption in 2010. Our twins (“E” & “G”) joined our family due to the marvel of modern science in 2012.

I say I am the “World’s Okayest Mom” both because I am not aspiring to be the greatest at anything, and also because I really am doing okay.

Sometimes people just don’t tell it like it really is. Sometimes this whole thing sucks. I am here to say that what I do is really really hard. And I love it – even if my irreverent attitude says otherwise. I prepared my whole life to get to this point, and now that I’m here, I am so proud. And so tired.

60 thoughts on “About”

  3. Hey Okayest Mom! I am so happy to be following your blog and sympathizing with you on pretty much EVERYTHING:) Lots of love to you. In reference to one of your previous facebook comments about NOT melting at the park, I will say that on that one I can’t sympathize. Every summer day here in Wyoming I feel blessed. 85 is about as high as it ever gets. At night it drops to 40 ish. Last time I took the girls to Virginia, we basically melted every time we stepped out of the door between the hours of 5 am and 5 pm. The littlest would cry when I would open the door. This momma is not made of as tough of stuff as you.

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  5. I think my whole first message got deleted! The message above looks downright creepy without it. Sorry! I just wanted to tell you that I am looking forward to reading your blog M and glad you’re doing it! Without logging in on facebook it was pretty clear that you wouldn’t have known that you actually knew the actual Asheley who left the message, outside of blogosphere and online mommy circles. Anyway, I think I wrote something about it being really hot where you are and how I don’t miss that. I thought it was funny, but it might not have been. A whole lot seems funny at 10:15 when you have just gotten your 3 year old to sleep and been up since 6ish:)

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  6. M, I miss you on facebook. I certainly know about the bad memory bit. I too suffer with it. I call it half-himers. Don’t have full alzheimers yet. Haha. Look forward to your news.

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  7. I LOVE everything you’ve written (just spent all morning reading your entire blog), and can’t wait to see what’s to come. Thank you for sharing your story! 🙂

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  8. I’ve been slowwwly making my way through your posts over the past few days. You remind me a lot of my son’s mom! In your experiences and in your approach toward them, and life, and family. Just so’s you know, I’m a-followin’!

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  12. Melissa,
    What a blessing you are in so many ways…thank you…
    I have 5 sons, and 1 daughter….I am will turn 43 in October. On April 26th 2013, I relinquished my rights to my baby girl, who I had for the first 3 years of her life. There is nothing pretty about my past, or my struggles with drugs and alcohol. I went into a treatment center with my baby girl at the time. It was June 28th of 2010. I had an open cps case, and new at that time, that I WOULD do ANYTHING to keep my baby girl. My sons were taken care of, and in the custody of their fathers. ( so far, I’m sure in the little I have said, raises many questions )
    But, I want to get to my purpose in writing you.
    I have NEVER in my life known love like I do now.
    It all came to me one day…and in that day, it felt like I had died. I knew in the inner most deepest part of my soul, what I had to do. It would just take a minute to get there. I never fathomed in a thousand years, that I would choose the path I did. I had to do it my way though. It was a MUST, that the adoptive parents KNEW my HEART. They agreed to meet me with my lawyer and my support. They were in fact the most BEAUTIFUL couple I had ever met! I knew the moment I met them, what I needed to do.
    The “other mother” was soft spoken, a gentle spirit, something I’ve always longed for myself.. her husband… a tall man…with a commanding presence, strong, also, with a gentleness.. I was in love… HOW COULD I NOT?!
    It would still take some time after that meeting. Once I made that unmanageable decision, It had to be “MY” way, this is what I did.
    It was close to mothers day. I had to bless their mother daughter union that they began, the day my sweet entered their home. A beautiful mother daughter pendant I bought. I had a sterling silver keychain carved for father, “many future blessings”. I then made three photo album pages of our baby girl, only her.. no one else… I wanted them to have a beginning for her…… Only pictures of her….I was up all night making them, the night before I was to inform them of my decision, they were unaware of my decision at this point. The following day I came with the poems to present with my decision. here is what I wrote to them…

    “Dearest Tim & Jill

    Mother to Mother…

    Today… I release my well-beloved Nevaeh to you…… I release all of my duties and responsibilities to you as her birth mother. I send you with many blessings and I bless your mother daughter union you started with my sweet, the day she was invited into your home… as one of your own. She is yours as if the day you gave birth to her. I believe in my heart she will be blessed beyond measure…. by your love…patience…your tenderness…your kindness… you will bless her with your gentleness that comes from a mother that loves from deep within… your soft gentle voice will comfort her when she is scared or sad. When you pick her up and hold her close to your heart… the pounding of both your hearts together…mine beating there together too… heartbeats pounding together as 1. When I think of her… I will think of you….I will think of how blessed she is to have such a special mother as you.
    I will be blessed all the days of my life ….as she will be..

    Mother to Father…

    Today….I release my well-beloved Nevaeh to you… I release all of my duties and responsibilities to you as her birth mother. I send to you…many blessings, I bless you as her father and the father/daughter union you started with my sweet, the day she was invited into your home… as one of your own. She is yours as if the first day you laid eyes on her after birth… I believe in my heart she will be blessed beyond measure by your patience, tenderness, kindness, she will be blessed by her daddy’s strong, safe arms that she’ll run into when she is scared, sad, or just needing to be held by her daddy.
    I will be blessed all the days of my life….as she will be..

    That was on April 25th 2013, and the next day, Saturday..Moved from Spokane Washington, to Vancouver WA where my other sons live. It felt like I left my heart in Spokane that day….. I must tell you…. there is soo much more … but for now… that is my story as a “birthmother”. n
    p.s.
    my profile pic is us..when we first got to Spokane, (June 2010) and were at the 6 month treatment center..there we are sitting on the steps… my little mama…. always and always forever….<3

    M.

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  17. M, as your not around much, aunt, I am very proud of what you have done in your life and what you are doing in your life, and making other lives enriched. Meaning your husbands, and your children. I am proud to be your aunt, even tho’ like I said not around much. You seemed to have touched other lives, that are out in the big world. Your the best.

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  19. I love your title, Okayest Mom! I want to touch base with you re: a project I’m working on that you may be interested in, but I can’t seem to find an email address on your blog. Could you please email me via my contact info below?

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  21. Your blog has touched my heart in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your stories. You have gained another follower and I look forward to sharing your blog and reading more.

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  24. hahaha Love it!! You’re me in a few years! I started writing because of my bad memory too and I too am struggling with infertility… currently in the middle of my IVF treatment, transfer should be in 3 (incredibly long) weeks and adoption is definitely on our future too! Nice to meet you! 🙂

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  25. I just wanted to thank you for what you’ve written about ‘twin life’ as I sit here after a very challenging day full of tears from my 8 week old twin boys as well as myself. I think I Googled something like “how to survive twins” and it led me here… I feel a little more hopeful that I will survive and possibly even enjoy having twins someday. It is just really hard some days right now, although the good days make me feel like I’m could conquer anything (grateful for a few of those thrown in there). Thanks for your candor and for making me feel normal, and for all the “tips”, which are so much better than all the typical tips you find on other websites.

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    • Oh, my heart goes out to you! I totally get it. Things will most definitely get better. They will start to sleep more and laugh more and time will pass and I promise things will look up! Just do one day, one hour, one minute at a time for now. Much love to you! I’m so glad my writing can help someone.

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  26. Okayest Mom,

    I haven’t had time to thoroughly read through your blog, but, oh my, your first picture hits home for me! We have a very similar story to you with four two and under (three are adopted and biological siblings). For 3-4 months, all four were in diapers. Ugh! Anyway, here is our story if you choose to read http://www.stillnessamidstthechaos.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-prelude_6.html I hope to find time to continue reading as I am sure I will learn different strategies on how to manage throughout the day and most certainly find some camaraderie! -Kaila

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  27. I stumbled on your blog cause I was looking for advice on breastfeeding twins, mine are due in 5 weeks. I also have a sixteen month old boy who doesn’t sleep very well (more like a newborn) Anymore. I figure this is just one of the million challenges coming my way like a freaking flood that can’t be stopped. I really don’t want to drown. I liked reading your blog, so I think I’m going to keep doing it, cause I’m not sleeping anyway! If you have any specific advice for me, I would really appreciate it, but I know you have your hands full. 🙂

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    • Congrats! Thanks for reading. You will definitely have a challenge ahead. But I survived and you will too! My only advice is to just be okayest. Don’t try to do as much as you used to, or do as much as other moms. Give yourself permission to operate from a different set of rules. You can do this!

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  33. Hi Okayest Mom Team,

    My name is Anuj Agarwal. I’m Founder of Feedspot.

    I would like to personally congratulate you as your blog Okayest Mom Twins has been selected by our panelist as one of the Top 80 Twins Blogs on the web.

    http://blog.feedspot.com/twins_blogs/

    I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of Top 80 Twins Blogs on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!

    Also, you have the honor of displaying the badge on your blog.

    Best,
    Anuj

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  34. Hi Melissa! I believe I’ve commented before but just in case I didn’t, I love your blog! As a fellow mom of multiples I just love hearing your stories and identifying with so many of the same feelings. I wanted to email you about a collaboration, but I don’t see an email address listed. Could you contact me?

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