“My Twins Sucked at Breastfeeding” was posted on the Scary Mommy Blog…

…and I have a few things to say about that.

I wrote a post for Scary Mommy about breastfeeding multiples, and they posted it last week on their home page. It has over 11,000 shares on facebook right now. I think I might have had my fifteen minutes of fame. But it’s over now. (I have been tracking my stats. Thousands of views and shares does NOT actually produce more followers or likes. The internet has a short attention span.)

I originally titled it, “My Twins Sucked at Breastfeeding”, which I thought was way more clever and accurate than the title they gave: “The Truth about Breastfeeding Twins”. I was criticized in the comments for generalizing and discouraging other twin moms, but I was simply trying to tell MY story. I think the title change is a little to blame – I was not telling anyone else’s “truth” about breastfeeding. I was only telling MY truth, hence the “my” in “My Twins Sucked at Breastfeeding.”

Most of the comments were extremely kind and loving. However, a handful said that breastfeeding twins was “easy”, and I want to kick them in the head. Annnnnd there was one woman who said, “Lots and lots and lots of women experience complications pre, during and post pregnancy. You aren’t a martyr. You aren’t the first woman to have twins. Get over yourself.” Hmmm. I think if she read my blog, she would know that I have already said the exact same thing myself. Many times. Also, I would like to challenge her to say that to my face. Ah, the internet.

To Scary Mommy, I would like to thank you for the opportunity to write for you, but chastise you for your typos. Come on, Scary Mommy, you have over half a million followers. I think you could be a little more careful (less scary?) with your editing.

To any of the new twin moms that I scared, I apologize.

Here’s my original text:

My Twins Sucked at Breastfeeding

Was it me or was it the twins who did the sucking at breastfeeding? Maybe both. After surviving one adoption, several miscarriages, fifteen rounds of fertility treatment, hellish high-risk twin pregnancy, bedrest with a toddler, and almost dying from postpartum hemorrhage, I certainly knew better than to expect breastfeeding would go smoothly. It sucked, both literally and figuratively.

I read every book I was supposed to read on the topic of breastfeeding twins. I underlined so many sections of my La Leche League multiples book that my husband asked me if perhaps I should consider underlining only things I didn’t want to remember. I tried to be prepared simply by adding post-it notes of information in my brain, but I knew I would have to wing it when the twins arrived.

I couldn’t have been more right. Who would win when this twin momma faced off against all the books she read?

 

The books say: Breastfeed immediately after birth, or within 60 minutes after a C-section. That should be enough time to get you all stitched up and ready to go.

Twin mom says: Breastfeeding is impossible in the ICU while you’re knocked out.

Winner: Nobody.

 

The books say: Frequent breastfeeding will teach your body to double or triple the amount of milk you need for multiples.

Twin mom says: Almost dying and getting blood transfusions messes with the body’s ability to produce milk.

Winner: Nobody.

 

The books say: Feed each twin separately at first, to teach proper latching techniques. Tandem nursing can wait.

Twin mom says: No problem. Tandem nursing can definitely wait.

Winner: Books.

 

The books say: Avoid bottles and pacifiers during the hospital stay to establish proper nursing.

Twin mom says: You don’t have a say when you’re knocked out in the ICU.

Winner: Nobody.

 

The books say: When you begin to tandem feed, the double-football hold will work the best.

Twin mom says: WHATEVER. You totally need substantial boobage to pull off the double-football hold, because you’ve got to have boobs that actually flop around. Not all of us are so endowed, even with the milk! Why didn’t any book talk about THAT?!

Winner: Nobody. Certainly not my boobs.

 

The books say: Your milk will come in within three to four days after birth.

Twin mom says: Be a rebel! Mine didn’t come in until the eleventh day after birth, which was the latest my lactation consultant had ever seen.

Winner: Twin Mom!

 

The books say: The best way to help a baby learn to nurse is skin-to-skin contact.

Twin mom says: It’s hard to do when I was so bruised, battered, and patched up from all the ways they saved my life. I wanted nothing more than to put my babies inside my hospital gown, but I was too mutilated from all the procedures they performed on me. I came home from the hospital with a walker, a lot of bandages and bruises, and a physical therapist.

Winner: Nobody. Certainly not my babies.

 

The books say: Within the first two weeks after birthing twins, be sure to pump and/or feed every 2-3 hours to teach your body to establish and double the milk supply.

Twin mom says: No problem. I will never sleep again anyway. I will never not be holding a baby again anyway.

Winner: The books.

 

The books say: Rent a hospital grade pump for multiples. You need a pro to suck out enough milk for twins.

Twin mom says: NOBODY TOLD ME HOW MUCH PUMPING SUCKS (literally and figuratively)! I had no idea how bad it would feel and how much I would hate it. I had no idea how long it would take. I had no idea how much my toddler would misbehave when he knew I was attached to those tubes and completely immobilized.

Winner: My toddler.

 

The books say: Tandem breastfeeding is harder with fraternal twins than identical twins, because they only share 50% of their DNA. They will have different hunger cues, feeding patterns, and body clocks.

Twin mom says: Ain’t that the truth. My fraternal twins were opposites in the womb, and they were opposites while breastfeeding. One was a pro; the other had feeding difficulties – including allergies, reflux, and nipple confusion.

Winner: The books. Or maybe the one twin who was good at nursing.

 

The books say: Tandem breastfeeding is the best choice for twins.

Twin mom says: Um, nobody told me how MUCH I WOULD HATE TANDEM NURSING. It was almost impossible to position the babies even with another adult present. How do I get the second baby latched on after I already had one attached to my boob? (When I was alone, I would try to position the second baby on the couch beside me, and hoist him up by his jammies with my one free arm. If he was wearing snap jammies, he would fall out of them. I quickly switched to zip-up jammies.) Nursing two at once felt overwhelming and, I hate to say, a little creepy. They finished eating at different times, so what was I supposed to do when one baby had to burp and one was still attached? And how do I care for a needy two-year-old while I am completely immobilized by two nursing babies? What do I do when the toddler gets into the knife drawer? Do I pull the babies off or do I try to stand up with two of them attached? I guarantee I would either fall down or lose the latch. What about my (adopted) son’s jealousy while I was nursing both babies? I had to deal with some major adoptive momma guilt there. I did not have the answers to these questions. I gave up and nursed them separately.

Winner: Nobody.

 

The books say: Alternating bottle-feeding and breast-feeding is not recommended. It creates more work, and less milk production.

Twin mom says: Too bad. I never made enough milk, despite every effort. We finally established a system where I would breastfeed one twin, supported by a Boppy and one of my arms, while, with my other arm, I bottle-fed the other twin, supported beside me on the couch with a Boppy. This also enabled me to leap off the couch, if needed, to help my toddler not die.

Winner: Twin mom! And my toddler.

 

The books say: Breastfeed for at least a year.

Twin mom says: My goal was one day at a time. I made it to just under seven months. I figured that counted as a year in my Twin World! By that time, I was about to crack from having 1-2 hours of sleep from my non-synchronized, non-tandem night feedings. Also, my poor-at-nursing-twin was completely off the breast and only drinking pumped milk anyway. It was time to sleep-train them. I couldn’t let them “cry it out” while nursing. We dried it up, cried it out, and started sleeping. (PS, The last time I breastfed my last twin, I was listening to “The Last Time” by The Rolling Stones: “Well this could be the last time, This could be the last time, Maybe the last time, I don’t know, oh no, oh no.”)

Winner: Twin Mom! I did what was best for MY FAMILY! (“My family”, of course, refers to me not cracking.)

 

The books say: Any amount of breastmilk is good for the babies.

Twin mom says: Ain’t that the truth. I never made enough milk for twins, despite visiting several lactation consultants, pumping with a hospital grade pump, reading every book, and trying every home remedy. I had to supplement with formula from the very beginning. I was happy to give them immunities, even if I couldn’t make them full.

Winner: Everybody.

 

The moral of this story is that books are great, but twin mommas are better!

 

from: http://www.scarymommy.com/truth-about-breastfeeding-twins

Guest Post: A Twin Mom Gives “The Talk”

This article is the second in a series of guest posts. I have invited a few select friends and family members to contribute to my blog. I have chosen them based on two things: 1) I personally go to them for help; and 2) I am fascinated by their unique parenting challenges, because I want to hear how they make “okayest” work for them.

Allow me to introduce you to my childhood friend, Holli. We have been friends since fourth grade, mostly because we shared a love of books and finishing our school work quickly so we could read more books. Now that we are all grown up, we share a twin mothering bond. I go to her for reinforcement when someone says something weird about adoption or my twin mommy guilt threatens to swallow me whole. She is always ready with a kind word or a snappy comeback (whichever I need most). She does not mince words. I give you Holli, straight-talkin’ twin mom:

rylanramziephotoA few days ago I received a request from the World’s Okayest Mom to write a guest blog that capitalized on my experience as the mother of twins.  Perhaps she wanted my (often sarcastic) responses to the typical questions I get when out with my children.  So, before you ask…“Yes, they are identical.  No, neither one is ‘dominant’.  No, they are not complete opposites, nor are they exactly alike.  No, one of them is not evil.  And, yes, they do have different fathers”…sorry, that last one is the answer I typically give out at Walmart, just to see the reactions I get.

Mrs. Okayest may have also wanted me to demonstrate that you can survive twins, but since mine are only eight years old, the jury is still out.  What I do have for you, loyal audience, is a story that recognizes the individuality of twins.  A story that overlooks how similar my boys are in many ways and exemplifies a challenge that any parent can sympathize with.  This is the story of why I had the talk with one of my boys, but not the other.

Yep, you heard me.  The TALK.  I had the TALK with my eight-year-old son.  Are you done gasping in horror?  If so, hear me out.  Maybe it was because the boys are in different classes, possibly exposing Rylan to information that Ramzie was not privy to.  Maybe it was due to the fact that Rylan loves to read – those Captain Underpants books might be a bad influence.  Whatever the reason, this past summer Rylan began bringing up the topic of sex.  At first, I ignored the comments as he appeared to be gauging me for a reaction.  But, when he wrote a story with “sex” in the title, I decided to ask him about it (with the full consent of my husband).

For those of you who do not know me, I taught anatomy and physiology for five years at a private school.  The body, and its functions, do not embarrass me in the least (a handy fact when in the company of children).  I’m pretty comfortable talking about sex and reproduction, as any of my adult students could attest to.  In keeping with my nature, one evening after finding out about the story Rylan wrote, I asked him flat out if he had questions about sex.  Before he answered, I told him to think about it – did he really want to know?  To my surprise, he did.

I won’t go into all the details of our conversation, but I explained to Rylan in simple terms what sex involved and that it was how babies were created.  Here are a few of the highlights:

  • Rylan got the giggles.  Really got the giggles.
  • I couldn’t explain where the phrase “the talk” came from.  I still don’t have a clue.
  • He said “Ewww”.  A lot.
  • Part of our conversation went like this:

Me:  “Sex is really about intimacy and there are different levels of intimacy.”

Rylan:  “Different levels.  Like in a video game?”

My husband:  “Exactly.  One where you’re always going for the high score.” (As you can see, my husband was extremely helpful during this conversation.)

After the TALK portion of our conversation was over, I had to make it clear to Rylan that this was not information he could share.  Not with his brother, his classmates, etc.  I explained that everyone was ready for this information at different times, and that it was not up to him to determine when that time was.  Since he claimed that I had now scarred him for life, I was pretty sure he would keep this information to himself.

My point in sharing this story is that Rylan, despite his comments, was ready for this information, as indicated by his previous comments and story.  His twin, however, was not.  Ramzie has made no such indications until recently, but is still not quite ready.  As their mom, I have to recognize their rights as individuals and not paint them both with the same brush.  Part of that individuality involves their maturity and knowledge levels.  While Rylan is in no way ‘more mature’ than Ramzie, his knowledge level, for whatever reason, brought him to a place that Ramzie has not yet reached.

Right now you may be thinking that you would never tell your eight-year-old the facts of life – and that’s fine.  As a parent, all you can do is take in all available information and then proceed with what you think is best.  Not what your mom says, not what Dr. Phil encourages and not what you read in the social media.  My gut told me that Rylan would benefit from having the facts and the correct information.  Your gut may tell you something completely the opposite.  That’s the great thing about being the parent – you get to decide.  Just remember to make that decision before his friends or the kids on the bus do it for you.

I’ll leave you with this.  If you have twins, or even just have multiple children, respond to their cues and not the “shoulds” of the polite world.  Remember that each child is different and try not to become entrenched in a timeline set by an older siblings (flashback to my childhood pleas that were often met with “Your sister didn’t get to wear make-up/shave her legs/stay up later until she was ## years old, so you can’t do it either”).  Recognize the cues that they give you and, hopefully, you don’t scar them for life.  Oh, and by the way? Your best friend’s cousin’s sister that has a twin boy and girl does not have identical twins.  If you don’t know why they aren’t identical, call me.  I’ll give you the TALK.