An Ode & a Plea to an Introverted Toddler

Sometimes I feel like the only mom on the planet who has a serious, introverted toddler. Allow me to say that I love him just the way he is, and I don’t want him to change. He is careful. He is a watcher. He is thoughtful. He doesn’t jump on things or climb on things or run away at the playground. He doesn’t beg for Happy Meals. He doesn’t like TV. He has a super-long attention span. He doesn’t ask strangers why they are fat.

reading rolling stone

He doesn’t like me to talk when he’s having a Really Good Time doing something from his bucket list (you know, little-boy-heaven-stuff like riding a tractor, watching Monster Trucks, or helping Dad use a butane torch). He wants to enjoy it seriously. He isn’t going to shout and do a jig about it just because he’s three. When he rode a pony one time (the Holy Grail of Toddlerhood), people were saying, “Smile, R, why don’t you smile? Aren’t you having fun?” I wanted to say, “Hey, he IS having fun. This frown IS his happy face. He’s concentrating on his fun.”

Ok, those are all wonderful, positive things. I am happy to have a toddler like that. However, ENOUGH WITH THE FREAKING TANTRUMS!

pregnancy tantrum(pregnancy tantrum)

church tantrum(church parking lot tantrum)

DCIM100GOPRO(christmas card photo tantrum)

3-Year-Old Kid Quotes

I am writing these down for R. You can read them or not.

tie dye 1

(he is trying to hold their hands)

From when he was 3-years-old…

R: Can I lick the baby?

R: G crying. Oh dear.

While sticking his nose to my butt:
R: I goosed you, Momma.

R: Momma, you no sing! Only sing at church!

R; Momma, I like cleaning. I a good mopper.

During a power outage:
R: [arranging a pretend pizza] I making dinner.
Daddy: How are you going to make dinner with no power?
R: The generator will help.

Coming home from church:
R: Thank you for church, Momma. You’re welcome.

To the dog:
R: Stop spitting up! Only throw up on deck! Now we have to clean it!

In the bathroom:
R: Momma, come see Daddy’s pee pee!

Looking at the cover of Rolling Stone with Mad Men’s Jon Hamm on the cover:
R: That my Daddy?

Holding his cup to mine:
R: Can you cheers me, Momma?

After a tantrum:
Me: You need a tissue, honey.
R: No. I still crying.

R: Daddy, you wanna wear unner-wears with me?

When I put a baby down to put R on my lap:
R: Thank you for holding me, Momma.

While squatting on the grass:
R: I’m pretend pooping.

While we were reading his adoption story:
R: [pointing to his chest] Who gave you that R?

R: You wanna go on a date with me, Momma? You wanna sit on my lap on the motorcycle?

While pointing to Daddy’s chops:
R: Momma, look what Daddy got!

R: Dance like this! It will make you feel better!

At church:
R: Where Jesus?
Me: In heaven.
R: He died?
Me: Yes.
R: We get ‘nother Jesus?

R: I’m so fast.
Me: Yes, and bigger. You’re getting faster and bigger.
R: I just right.

While making a hole in his play-doh:
R: What the hole happened?

R: What is this music?
Me: It the Beastie Boys.
R: I like Yeastie Boys
[Much later, he asked to hear “that children’s music again”. It took me a while to get it.]

Me: Doesn’t underwear feel so good and soft?
R: Yes, underwears feels good on my penis.

R: Yay, I pee-peed in the potty! Can I drink it?

R: I coughed. I need coffee.
[We’re Mormon. We don’t drink coffee. WTHeck?]

Me: What should we pray for?
R: Hot dogs.