Ways My Husband Has Found Me upon Returning Home from Work

  • Sprawled on the floor, flat on my back
  • Crying with frustration at the kids
  • Crying with joy at seeing him
  • Asleep on the couch
  • Wearing his clothes
  • Wearing no clothes, but not in a good way (because my clothes were pooped/spewed/peed upon)
  • Ponytail askew after a toddler tantrum
  • Actually making dinner (!)
  • Standing in front of the open fridge or pantry, crying because I don’t know what to make for dinner
  • Hyped up on Excedrin Migraine
  • Moving like molasses in January because of prescription migraine medication
  • Covered in children
  • Covered in spit up/poop/pee (“It’s ok, honey, I rolled it up before I hugged you.”)
  • Gone. Because I went to my mom’s house.
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